Dear rabbits, hares, bunnies and other denizens of the Burrows!
I’m sure you’ve been quite on edge regarding the news of the coronavirus outbreak in the Animal Kingdom! Well, fear not, for here are simple rules to avoid getting the virus yourselves, straight from your favourite doctor!
Rule number one: Keep your paws clean!!!
Wash often, refrain from pawshakes, and please stop scratching your bottoms. It doesn’t spread the coronavirus but it’s unseemly and disgusting. And another thing regarding paws: I know we all prefer hopping around to walking, it’s faster and much less strenuous to the muscles… And I’d be the first to advocate hopping as opposed to walking were it not for one simple detail: HOPPING MAKES TWICE AS MANY PAWS DIRTY!
You don’t believe me? Here, check for yourself:
If you still don’t believe me, you can always refer to beaver Dabrovit’s treatise on animal movement with regards to legs used inspired by the gallop treatise of Hyeronimous the Horse.
As the Burrows has a dozen rabbits hopping from one place to another at any given time, imagine how fast until your paw steps into someone else’s paws? And those front paws are the ones you most often use to touch your face! Which leads me to…
Rule number two: Don’t touch your whiskers!
This mostly applies to you lady bunnies! The miners are clean-shaven but for some reason, it’s become fashionable for lady rabbits to grow whiskers of various styles. These whiskers are all fine and dandy but for the love of health, inspection STOP TOUCHING THEM! Every time you touch your whiskers with your paws, you transmit small particles to your mouth area, making it much more likely you’ll get the virus! And I know you all just can’t wait for a reason to visit handsome old me in the infirmary but there are other ways to get my attention. Ways that don’t include health hazards for the community! This particularly refers to you, Pauline, stop getting ill just to visit me!
These two were straightforward but here’s some more general advice:
Rule number three: Don’t associate with vermin!
It bears repeating that vermin are the number one spreaders of all diseases! Our own blacksmith Quince is as clean as can be expected from someone under my watch, but just to be on the safe side, I recommend keeping interactions with him to a minimum! At least until the outbreak is handled.
Those are the three tips for the prevention of coronavirus from your favourite doctor.
And if you’re thinking of just skipping to the end, let me just remind you of what Orville said:
You’re all gonna get something these days, it’s either going to be a coronavirus or a paycheck, so choose carefully!Orville, badger foreman of the Burrows mine
So BE CAUTIOUS!